I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
