i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My dick has a subreddit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
