Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
