she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
