Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
