There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
