i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
