there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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