i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
