Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
