How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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