Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
