I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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