tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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