It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
