yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
