I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
did you just send me my own nude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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