i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
