You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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