Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
