i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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