So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
