I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
