Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
