those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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