so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize