i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
