I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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