You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want to be your penis for a week.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
