you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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