I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
