that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
