Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
