I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
