bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I understand Curling. That high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
