i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
