glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize