I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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