You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
