you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
