I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
