Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
