i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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