I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
