You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
