make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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