i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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