I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
