Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
