the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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