Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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