i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are the jesus of drinking
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
