so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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