wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
