What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had to cum in my sink.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
