I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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