i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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