Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
