my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
one might say we're banned from that church
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
