This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize