It's just like the Real World with babies
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
