Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
