Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
