margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
