maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
