Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
