so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
