i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This girl is more easily done than said...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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