She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
