The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
