just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
