god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
