Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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