There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
